That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
