the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
