im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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