My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
