Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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