So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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