that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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