how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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