So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
not ubering you a puppy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
