It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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