oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
