Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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