I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
