Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
