Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize