I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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