So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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