you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
