i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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