I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
