Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
