That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
