pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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