so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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