Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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