dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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