the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
