I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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