It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
