I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
