just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
