I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
