I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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