On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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