:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
