My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
