I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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