A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
