she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
