I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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