Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
