I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
