My nipple is on Facebook.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
