i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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