So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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