His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
