when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize