turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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