I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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