woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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