I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
