Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
