Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
