He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
