Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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