Welp...herpes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
