I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
