his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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