i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
