if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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