I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
