omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
