with your own penis?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
