How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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