I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
