i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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