How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
