yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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