watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
