CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
