I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
