brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
