I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
