Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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