the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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