Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
