I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
