Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize