He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
there is glitter all over my balls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
