I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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