will power is for people who don't want to get laid
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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