I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
