She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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