I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
