Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
