If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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