Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
