he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
