How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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