my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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