I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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