I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
