hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
