wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
