his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
