So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
